Kindness Sometimes Takes A Lot Of Effort

But, in my experience, it's always worth it.

Photo by zenad nabil on Unsplash

Do you like my chosen image that brings me a pocket of joy? We’ve had some amazing sunrises this week in England. Remember to keep creating and looking for pockets of joy every day.

Make an effort to be kind.

Many years ago when I wasn’t happy with my life or how I was showing up, I stood in my bathroom crying and wondering where I’d lost myself.

I made a decision that day that I wanted to go to bed each night and feel happy with how I showed up and behaved.

At that point in my life, I felt like there was a lot that was out of my control but I could always choose who I was.

A big part of that is being a nice person.

It’s important to me and I like myself more when I show up and behave in a way that is nice.

Occasionally I will slip up and say something that I consider mean or thoughtless.

I have to say that when I’ve ever relayed this to a friend they have not agreed with me that it was mean.

Even so, it was not said in a way that aligns with who I am and want to be.

But, I’m human and one thing I’ve learned is that the odd slip-up does not define who I am as a person.

One harsh conversation doesn’t make me a mean or bad person, or an unkind person.

Maybe in that moment my choice was unkind or thoughtless but the feeling I get afterwards confirms to me that this is not who I am, it doesn’t sit well with me.

I can apologise if needed.

I can learn from the situation.

This happened. I don’t like this way of speaking and I intend to do better in the future. If this situation arises again, I could…

Here’s an example.

A few months ago I felt like I was sharp with someone who was much younger than me. She had annoyed me because she wasn’t doing what she was supposed to be doing and that impacted me. I felt like she had a poor attitude and was being lazy and thoughtless.

I spoke to her sharply and told her to do what she should be doing.

For a few minutes, I relished in the moment, thinking “Well, that told her. She’s under no illusion about what I think of her now!”

Hmm, that feeling didn’t last. It shifted to one of disappointment in myself.

And I carried that feeling for the rest of the day.

Once I got home and had time to process what had happened.

No, the other person was not behaving in a way I would expect.

But, as someone who is older and much more experienced in life, my response was also not what I expected from myself.

What could I have done better?

I could have spoken to her politely and calmly. Yes, it would have taken longer but I would have been happier with my behaviour and maybe the other person would have learned a valuable lesson.

I reminded myself of the person I want to be and why this is so important to me.

I have seen the person again several times since and have made a point to speak with her in a kind and respectful way.

I want others to treat me in a kind and respectful way and therefore I believe it is important for me to mirror that behaviour.

I also want to be a good role model for anyone watching. We never know who is paying attention.

I try to remind myself that it may take a bit more effort to be kind but I truly believe it is always worth it.

Being kind could make someone’s day, it could change someone’s life and it will make you feel good about yourself.

Thank you for reading my thoughts today. We don’t have to be perfect; we just need to do our best to be the people we want to be. And if we get it wrong, adjust a reset.

Wendy xx

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